No words.

This has been a really rough week in general. I had the mother of all migraines this week which lasted two days and cost me precious sick hours. I have hardly any time to work with as it is…I came into work anyway Tuesday morning, although I was nauseous and sweating, made it 22 minutes before leaving for the day. What a waste of time, gas, sick hours, and everything.

 

My best buddy Ellie’s brother, Russ,  died unexpectedly over the weekend. He was 36. Her family is still reeling, and the rest of us on the outer layers feel the aftershocks as well.

The funeral was yesterday and it was so sad. Over the years my husband and I have become extremely close with her entire family, and this has come as a shock to us all.

A few of us were able to make it out there (Mikey, me, Brooklyn, Todd, Mike and Kelly), and the whole group of us went in for flowers for Ellie. They turned out really beautiful.

 

I hate death. I’m so scared of it, and I wish I didn’t ever have to face it, or deal with it at all. Maybe because it’s so final, so unknown. I cant grasp my brain around the idea that, after we leave here, we go to Heaven forever.

Forever. And Ever.

Trying to grasp such an enormous idea in my comparatively tiny little head is unimaginable. And scary.

 

I never know what to say to a grieving person, and I find myself feeling awkward and uneasy at occasions like yesterday.

It’s so terrible because someone so close to me is reeling and inconsolable right now, and there’s nothing anyone can say or do to make that hurt go away. It’s a helpless, horrible feeling.

 

The best part came when Terry heard we were planning on meeting my brother Joe for dinner after the service, and he asked if he and Ellie could tag along. As if they even need an invitation. We all met up at Sticky Fingers to take a break from the crying for a minute and remember the good Russ times.

For a couple of hours, we sat there and laughed until we cried “good” tears about his funny antics or off-the-wall statements, and reminded ourselves and each other, and especially Ellie that he’s in a better place than here.